Your relationship is a reflection of you.
Do I need to continue? Once you get this concept in its’ fullness, it will transform the way you see your partner and the way you show up in your relationship.
Here it is again – your relationships are mirroring back to you the parts of you that make up your unconscious. Those parts you are rejecting within yourself – the dark side. The side you squash down and avoid dealing with, despise or can not accept because… what will people think when they see you as fake, inauthentic, out of integrity, irresponsible, not good enough or worthy enough?
Aren’t these the thoughts that go on in your mind? You may be aware of them or you may not be. They are there, in all of us.
So, the things you appreciate in another person as good traits are actually the parts you like about yourself. And the things you dislike about someone are the things you reject as part of your make up. Those things that require attention, love, care and work.
They are showing themselves to you cause they are giving you the opportunity to learn and grow. The question is are you listening? Are you prepared to take notice?
Not only is it “you are what you think” but also “you are what you see”.
So with this in mind, we can see how to change your relationships, you must first change yourself.
If you have had numerous relationships, think about how often the criticisms of your partners have started to become the same topics. The common denominator is indeed - you.
Once you realise that all the people you have had in your life, and all of the issues you have (or are) experiencing in your relationship are coming from your own negative mindsets and limiting beliefs, you may feel frustrated or defensive at first.
But the joy comes in realising that you are able to having deep, loving relationships because it is actually within your control to change. Once you take responsibility for your part, it releases and empowers you.
You can keep running from your relationships, but you can never run away from the same patterns which show up, and that’s purely because you cant run away from yourself. You’re stuck with you.
The good news is you are not stuck with your past. Unless you allow yourself to let it hold you there, trapped, stuck, miserable. Many of my clients complain about how horrible their life has been and how they are who they are because of the things that happened TO them. When we have a victim mindset, we will never be able to let go of the past. This is a killer in relationships. Let go of the past, it’s gone, history, it can’t be undone or changed. Let it go by accepting the learnings you got and create a new future, which is fresh and exciting.
A relationship takes two. It takes each person accepting their 100% in the relationship, not 50/50. 100% each for their own cause in the matter. If we started accepting our full 100, rather than making the other person wrong, justifying, defending, wanting to win, we would have much less rates of divorce and a ton more thriving relationships in the world.
It starts with you. Once you begin this journey of self-transformation, I challenge you to openly share it with your partner. Get vulnerable. Admit and open up about your disempowering beliefs and thinking. Come clean about those little things that you tend to ignore, or sweep under the rug cause its ‘easier’. It eats you up on the inside and leads to bigger blow ups which aren’t needed if an openness and honesty was agreed and committed too.
Authenticity is the next step to creating healthy, deeply connected relationships. Without it, trust can be lost and what kind of relationship is it without trust?
Encourage your partner to come on the journey of discovery with you. Show them how much it means to you for them to be a part of it. The success of your relationships requires both of you to come to the party.
I have been on this journey in my own relationship. Is it easy? Hell no. Not in the least.
Is it worth it? Absolutely.
I am not willing to settle for a half-hearted relationship any more than I am willing to settle for a half-assed life. I hope you are not willing to either.
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